Let the Angels in...

It's Advent- The time of preparation for Jesus' birth. I am bound and determined to be prepared for Christmas. I've been to Cabela's and Harbor Freight tools. Places I've never associated with Christmas- for hatchets, yes hatchets, and a recurved Bow with cams and arrows. Who knew what that meant  two weeks ago. I get e-mails from SANTA for crying out loud (and the Elf on the shelf) reminding me/taunting me with how many days until Christmas. The cards are ready to be addressed. And there's been this nagging voice- "Zib, what exactly are you Prepared for?" The pressies? the cookies? the ribbons? the cards? And on Facebook of all things- I got my divine intervention for the day. A friend from long-ago posts the essential responsorial, "For you, O Lord, my soul in stillness waits. Truly my hope is in you." And I get that beautiful song in my head from the depths of my ever-busy-scattered soul. And there is stirring.

William wore a tie to mass yesterday. A nice clip-on number with stripes to accent his already very striped plaid shirt and khakis. Ben razzed him up one side and down the other. "It's the first day of Advent, Ben, it's special to me." My heart full of pride. Good for you Will. Mornings like these are conflicting for me. There's the relaxed wake-up. Ben scrambling eggs with the swag of Top Chef. Will scrambling to finish homework. But we have time together. And it's quality time. And I'm relaxed.  Enjoying coffee. Bustling to start chores. Answering the door for the Banner furnace man in yoga pants (never once used for yoga.) Planning to not leave the house all day. Because I'm more or less prepared for the day to come. Checking the freezer for a cut of meat for my beloved Mrs. Crock to make. Not the frenzy of last year: "Get in the car! Where is your BACKPACK? For the love of Jesus brush your teeth!" Because now the boys are in charge of walking to school, checking their watches to get out the door on schedule. Packing their homework. Finding their shoes on time. It's their show.

But there is a conflict for me in the teensiest little way. Echoing from the hollering of yesterdays gone by, "For The love of Jesus." I miss walking up the stairs in St Aloysius and hearing the entire school singing "O Come, O come, Emmanuel." My heart stirring with reminders constantly of what is really important this time of year. How long until Will and Ben forget what Advent means without the Parochial school influence? Or stop caring? Can our family influence preserve those memories and moments so dear?

I hope so.

It's the balance. My mom, the Catholic school teacher, bless her heart, with the best of intentions sent a chain mail sort of way to welcome 5 Archangels into your home. She is very excited about it to say the least. I'm overwhelmed. There's a prayer you say at the front door, a candle to light, a white flower to have and you pass it on to three other friends... the angels need their address apparently. You make wishes for you and Mother Earth and on and on with these details. Too much.  Not the type of Advent I'm craving. Stressing about finding a white flower and making an altar for angels. A good thought, but not the thoughts of preparation I want to focus on. But there's guilt. Always the guilt. Not wanting to hurt her feelings. Not wanting to miss such an obvious evangelizing opportunity.

And then I found it. I'm all about the signs. Or random coincidences or whatever you want to call it. Will's Angel coin. In his drawer- as I'm sorting through too-small jeans and swooshpants and attempting to organize. The coin I once bought to stash in his pocket when his stage fright was so overwhelming he didn't think he could sing in the ever-gorgeous St Aloysius pre-school concert. "This angel will help you, Will, to give you courage to sing in front of all those people." And he did. Facing the class- not the audience. He helped direct the kiddie choir with the teachers, but he did it.

The stirring remains. And I realize. The preparation is up to me. And it's not the cookies or wrapping or cards. I need to get it right. For me- and these beautiful boys.  There needs to be some stillness. There needs to be enough peace each day to let the Lord in.  Of course, Archangels are always welcome. They know our address. But for now I'll just focus on one small moment at a time. Prepare ye, the way of the Lord.